Tuesday, August 10, 2010

What Do I Tell My Granddaughters?



Tuesday, August 10, 2010.

SARA, age 3, The Kissing Doctor

What do I tell my granddaughter?  She has been most interested in all of my injuries.  When I had a healing biopsy site in my right leg, she noticed it and ask me what it was.  I told her that it was a cut and it would get better.  Then she insisted on kissing it.  Similarly, a biopsy on my left cheek was cured.  We have named her Sara, the kissing doctor.  I don't know if she is any less effective than the other physicians that I have.  I have a mark on my chest, which I plan to remove after I photograph myself today.  This was a localizing  marker for the radiation treatments.  She asked me what that was not told her that it was like a tattoo that she sticks on her skin.
As you can see from my photographs, I have green marks on my cheek covered with tape outlining the location of the electron beam treatments.  In addition, my skin is quite red, and there is one area behind my ear which has broken down.  I don't know how I am going to explain that to her.
I also don't know what to tell my nine-year-old granddaughter.  She has already lost her grandmother on her mother's side to a combination of breast malignancy and lymphoma.  In addition, one of her favorite uncles was hit by a car and killed.  We have told her that I have a condition that needs treatment.  I don't know if I have to be more specific than that.

I have now completed the full five-week course of intensity modulated radiation treatment.  Dr. John took upon himself to treat my left tonsil, although Dr. P. had not recommended it.  I don't know whether to be grateful for this or unhappy with it.  It seems that this has been the reason that I've had so much discomfort in my throat on the left.  The PET scan showed some increased uptake in the left tonsil, but it was felt to be a normal variant.
I now have the following complaints:
1.  Sore throat on the left.
2.  Worse than a complete loss of taste sensation, everything tastes bad.
3.  Dry mouth.
4.  Itchy and somewhat painful skin in my left neck, redness and increase in pigmentation.
5.  There is some breakdown of the skin behind my left ear for which a silver sulfonamide cream has been prescribed.


On the plus side, my mental status is stable, I do not have significant hoarseness, and I have not suffered from the debilitating fatigue that other radiation oncology patients complain of.
I plan to work this afternoon, and Wednesday afternoon, but not on Thursday, the day on which I have to take the written test to renew my California drivers license.  I think I should not have trouble passing the test.  My bridge game still has not deteriorated.  Playing with a different partner as my usual partner is in the hospital with respiratory failure, we still manage to take first place in a 12 table game, where there was an overall winner.
I have to take this opportunity to wish Bert Rettner  a speedy recovery.  He is not only my bridge partner, but a very good friend.  Unfortunately, although he is a physician, he has been unable to kick the cigarette habit, and as a result, he now suffers from severe emphysema and bronchiectasis.
Last night, in the middle of the night, I was awoken by  a strange noise.  It turned out that our pool sweep had become detached from the hose, and water was spraying all over the place.  I had to go out in the middle of the night to turn off the pool pump and filter.  After that, I had great difficulty in sleeping.  When I finally fell asleep, I had a dream that I was using ultrasound to look for recurrent malignancy in my neck.  I took the opportunity to put the ultrasound transducer on my abdomen and found a huge mass in my liver.  I hope this is not predictive of the future.
Tomorrow, I begin the first of five electron beam treatments.  I anticipate that this will not have very much affect on any of my symptoms with the exception of skin symptoms, which should get significantly worse.  I am hoping that other symptoms will begin to improve over the next few weeks.
In spite of my nightmare last night, I remain very optimistic about my outcome.

4 comments:

  1. I appreciate your candor and thoughts. Your willingness to share your inner feelings is precious and treasured. I think the world of you and Judy and I am so sorry you have this journey to walk through. Bonna

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  2. Docshu,

    You give all of us not only hope within our very special but small Merkel Cell Cancer Group at Google Groups. As I mentioned the other week you are looking very good for having completed the first phase of your radiation therapy. I had the same blue alignment marks on my left arm during my five weeks of 5,000 Gy of radiation. My tissue did breakdown quite a bit but healed rapidly and fully. Only have what I call my leopard tan today with spotty and reddish marks that come and go over the last five years. Today being five years since my diagnosis in August 2005.

    Your granddaughter is wise beyond her years as a kissing doctor.


    George

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  3. Hi...so enjoyed your narrative and the pic of your little granddaughter. I was also interested to see the markings on your face. I have 6 little granddaughters...from ages 13 to 4. I have so enjoyed their healing kisses...who would've thought something like that would become so special. In my most recent surgery when they had placed markings kindof like yours, I told my 4-yr old granddaughter that the angels had "marked the spot" so the doctors would know where to help me. She totally accepted that. She even decided to get HER markers and proceeded to make other marks on my body where she thought there were other boo-boo's. Actually I ended up with some pretty colorful artwork on different parts of me, but the experience was worth more than million of dollars. Keep hanging in there. You say you are still mentally stable..that's alot more than most of us could say!! xoxo
    Laura Cleaver...Oklahoma City, OK

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  4. I ditto Bonna's comments. Your forthright and candid comments are helping me to understand what you and other friends & family are and have gone through. I understand that every person's situation is different, but much of what you describe has occurred to others I know. We both sincerely hope that you are now in a healing and improving mode and you will soon have a complete recovery. Doctor Sammie I'm sure could do a house call with her toy stethoscope and diagnose any ailments. She has examined Eli, Mommy & Teddy Bear repeatedly. She checks out herself as well and shows her degree of concentration in her face as she listens to anyone. Lynne

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