What Do I Tell My Granddaughters?

Tuesday, August 10, 2010.

SARA, age 3, The Kissing Doctor

What do I tell my granddaughter?  She has been most interested in all of my injuries.  When I had a healing biopsy site in my right leg, she noticed it and ask me what it was.  I told her that it was a cut and it would get better.  Then she insisted on kissing it.  Similarly, a biopsy on my left cheek was cured.  We have named her Sara, the kissing doctor.  I don't know if she is any less effective than the other physicians that I have.  I have a mark on my chest, which I plan to remove after I photograph myself today.  This was a localizing  marker for the radiation treatments.  She asked me what that was not told her that it was like a tattoo that she sticks on her skin.

As you can see from my photographs, I have green marks on my cheek covered with tape outlining the location of the electron beam treatments.  In addition, my skin is quite red, and there is one area behind my ear which has broken down.  I don't know how I am going to explain that to her.

I also don't know what to tell my nine-year-old granddaughter.  She has already lost her grandmother on her mother's side to a combination of breast malignancy and lymphoma.  In addition, one of her favorite uncles was hit by a car and killed.  We have told her that I have a condition that needs treatment.  I don't know if I have to be more specific than that.

I have now completed the full five-week course of intensity modulated radiation treatment.  Dr. John took upon himself to treat my left tonsil, although Dr. P. had not recommended it.  I don't know whether to be grateful for this or unhappy with it.  It seems that this has been the reason that I've had so much discomfort in my throat on the left.  The PET scan showed some increased uptake in the left tonsil, but it was felt to be a normal variant.

I now have the following complaints:

1.  Sore throat on the left.

2.  Worse than a complete loss of taste sensation, everything tastes bad.

3.  Dry mouth.

4.  Itchy and somewhat painful skin in my left neck, redness and increase in pigmentation.

5.  There is some breakdown of the skin behind my left ear for which a silver sulfonamide cream has been prescribed.

On the plus side, my mental status is stable, I do not have significant hoarseness, and I have not suffered from the debilitating fatigue that other radiation oncology patients complain of.

I plan to work this afternoon, and Wednesday afternoon, but not on Thursday, the day on which I have to take the written test to renew my California drivers license.  I think I should not have trouble passing the test.  My bridge game still has not deteriorated.  Playing with a different partner as my usual partner is in the hospital with respiratory failure, we still manage to take first place in a 12 table game, where there was an overall winner.

I have to take this opportunity to wish Bert Rettner  a speedy recovery.  He is not only my bridge partner, but a very good friend.  Unfortunately, although he is a physician, he has been unable to kick the cigarette habit, and as a result, he now suffers from severe emphysema and bronchiectasis.

Last night, in the middle of the night, I was awoken by  a strange noise.  It turned out that our pool sweep had become detached from the hose, and water was spraying all over the place.  I had to go out in the middle of the night to turn off the pool pump and filter.  After that, I had great difficulty in sleeping.  When I finally fell asleep, I had a dream that I was using ultrasound to look for recurrent malignancy in my neck.  I took the opportunity to put the ultrasound transducer on my abdomen and found a huge mass in my liver.  I hope this is not predictive of the future.

Tomorrow, I begin the first of five electron beam treatments.  I anticipate that this will not have very much affect on any of my symptoms with the exception of skin symptoms, which should get significantly worse.  I am hoping that other symptoms will begin to improve over the next few weeks.

In spite of my nightmare last night, I remain very optimistic about my outcome.